jul

Santa visited us. We got some presents: I got five, just like the machine in the internet told me! So thanks Santa for Sofi Oksanen's book, couple of bags, Synkkien laulujen maa (Land of Sad Songs) -cd, skull-necklace and MOST of all: I got a Eppu Normaali Nahka-kalenteri(!!!) this is something only finns can know. And IT is so camp, that It has to be good.

I've been visiting graveyards lately couple times. It's beautiful place on xmas-eve's. Full of candles and cold winter night with stars in the sky. I've been remembering last years, people and being alone with my thoughts. I visited again mom's brother's, father's, grandparent's graves, and today I went also to Father's brothers, grandparents and uncles graves. And light a candle in all of those.

We had something 18 persons visiting today. It's always hard to be with these people, because I don't share anything except blood-relations with them.

I am waiting for next week: meeting friends, greeting them and going to work (last day i was there on 18th of August!). And NYE party, which wont be big, but hopefully warm and nice happening.

Winter Solstice

And now I've been doing different things. Thursday went all while I helped Granny and Auntie with Shopping, driving a car and carrying stuff. Was nice, we also visited graves of my uncle, granpa, and great granparents. I heard on that trip also, that my great-great-grandmom is buried in same graveyard, but the grave is forgotten already. (and yes, I heard her name first time ever!). In the evening I had coffee and perunapiirakka (pastries) with granny and auntie, we talked a bit, some relatives and friends called and I saw my friend in TV!

In the late evening: some glögi (without alcohol) and a bit of chatting (or a bit more) and Disco Ensemble live from Kaapelitehdas in the end of November. I went to sleep half past 2, though I was quite tired. No worries though.

Today I started my day with 1000 EURO. Not really, though I was carrying such a money. I was shopping food for daddy and got the food to his place, greeted Aro (my sisters dog) and took some fantastic pictures of a shortest day of the year. I will post those before end of the year. Then I came back to home, had lunch (karjalanpiirakka(karelian pie) and vichy) and packed myself to the car and drove to other granny to greet her and Grandpa. They both have birthdays near xmas, this year was my grandpa's 86 yrs and for Grandma it was 81. It's a age which is should be rated as high as possible. My other granny is 84, so god how old the old people lives these days.

Right now I am at home, trying to be as quiet as possible. If Ella (my cousing, godchild) wokes up, she cries so hard and it annoys my Alpo-dog so much that he barks, Ella gets afraid, and Albert keep on with louder voice (and so on). So I hope they both just gets a good rest. I will take a sauna (and try to was it before, if I have energy) or then I do it tomorrow. I bought one bottle of Syrah yesterday, so I could relax with it in the evening.

24 h in Finland

...And I don't feel at home at "home". My family is somehow similar, but still so different. I become to get annoyed by other people noises and musics. And party and stressed sister: whats this all?

Suggestions?

Jag är livrädd för att leva, och jag är dödsrädd för att dö ... men älskning vi ska alla en gång dö

Here it is. The same house, which is on my first entries on this blog. Its a bit more grey, there is lots of snow coming from the sky. Today is my last day in Latvia on this year.

I will go to Finland, Varkaus, Savo-kingdom, where I grew up. The title of the day is from the song, its the one which has been on power-play during my year. It's a song of this year. Listen, and you know why (it's good to know some Swedish before doing so).

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I will take a Ryanair in the evening back to Tampere. I wont stay there with friends, my dad is going to pick me up from there. Straight to home with little sister. My other little sister is going to graduate tomorrow, she will be a nurse. Congratulations to her.

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What else, my flatmate will change when I am back in Latvia. Thanks to Kalle for these 3½ months, welcome Jeena. During my one month holiday, my room will be hosted by one spanish boy, Ivan and latvian girl, Gunta. I hope they'll have fun. I will be in Helsinki, most of the time, I can share time with you all, just contact me and I make appointments. Geographically I will be living outside of center (Not in my Helsinki flat, but some other flat), so don't go knocking my door there; though possibly Ansku, Emma and Emppu will let you in anyway.

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After this year, there is new one: i need to practise be more nicer, more free and more wise on some cases. I will try to learn to manage with my feelings and also try to find solution for my illnesses. They have come back.

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Anyway, I will post something from holidays as well, if connections works. Lets see what happens in Finland.

last pics of Riga-times

We had a party for 70. Was fun, though Messy. Where? In our flat...














I have been also hanging in the Hostel with people. In here are Boghdan, Zane, Elita and Marcus. Funny people all.














I went to Riga Arena to see this guy. He invited some people to join him on the stage. All of the Stoogees were there. Iggy inclueding.


















Last pic is about Kaisa, one of my best friends, who visited me, we went to Opera to see Lady of Aces by Tschaikovsky.

The Holiday

Haha, I had to see the film, The Holiday, just because I wanted to see, how JACK BLACK gots a lady. Funny and warm-minded movie, though nothing special. My holidays are not so shiny either full of happenings, I think, this year I will just sleep and eat and walk a bit with Alpo-dog and play some games, if we get one for xmas-present, like every year before this. Otherwise we have to find old games like Monopoly, Alias, Scrabble, Instinct, Star of Africa, President-game (where you can be Urho Kekkonen), Cluedo, Mystery of Peking and most of all: DRACULA-game, which is really scary if you play it with the cousins. You can not know who lies behind your back!

I am listening Radio Helsinki, the best radio in the world. They're playing some cool saturday afternoon songs and I was planning to clean up in the kitchen. Tomorrow then my own room and on monday livingroom and hallway. For tuesday I leave bathroom, so Ivan and Gunta can come to quite clean flat. My flatmate is also changing, from beginning of January I will live here with Jeena, she is also finnish student and living right now in Helsinki.

Anyway, all the friends are sleeping, I think I will walk to the center after cleaning and check out whether I find this Chaks old poem-book Sirds uz trotuaara (Heart to pavement). It's a compilation full of poems to Riga and it's streets. Really beautiful stuff. And Latvians of my age doesn't like it at all. Is it something? I don't know why they want to forget all. They don't all even know that there is a Spilve. Or or or. It's the people. I love the city.

winter solstice

There is one more week to go for winter solstice. It have been a bit more important day what it's right now. The year begings to crawl slowly to the light. I like the idea of the darkest day of the year. A promise to get back to the summer, when life is full of light. When I thought about this, I remembered this CMX song, from Aura-album, where is song called Talvipäivänseisaus. It's really dark story about losing love, losing life and in the end of the song this woman whispers:

Kädet tuntuu vierailta, silmät toisen omilta, ajatukset kuluneilta, sanat poikki sanotuilta. Miksi lähdit, miksi menit, rajan taakse ulkopuoleen, kauas luota ihmismaiden, vuoren juurelle pois.

Somehow, sometimes I kept on thinking this one. Is it because of dying that people lose power to live, or is it really a story made for our generation. Dying nowadays is something so scary and a living taboo to talk about deads. At least in Finland. There is only honour for the bygones, but we're this big amount of love which loses an object. Does it mean that love in the world is getting more and more limited and in the end that power-meter is empty. Or is there a stable amount of it anyway? Or if my close one dies, do I start to love more the other people around? With love, this time I mean a love towards people, like: mom, dad, granny, sisters, brothers, friends and so on. Nothing do to with love-love (which is pretty overrated love-section anyway, at least if you think how much good these family-friends loves have given to you.)

I have not seen dead person myself. I have seen my uncle (who died in age 33) in pains and nearly dead. I am not sure whether I saw him on his last day, but in one night he just get a attack and died either in a way to hospital or in hospital. I think, it was a day when our family moved to new house, quite near to Granny's (2km). We talked some day with mom, that maybe our uncle waited everything to be ok with the family (I bet, he loved us, the kids, like I love my little cousins: Emma and Ella).

The other time when dying got close to me was 1½ years ago, when my Latvian friend (who died in age 24) decided to drive too fastly with the car in the lightly summernight. I did hear it quite late, I was sad and angry (WHY?! we talked about his driving habits before). I know where he is buried, but I havent have time to get to the grave. Last xmas I lighted a candle for his memory in my childhood-villages graveyeard, on the place where you can leave a candle for those, who have been buried to some other places. I bet, in next weeks sunday, I take a car and drive back there in the middle of the night, and let the light come into the dark winter night.

Most talkable bygone person in our family is still Markku, my uncle (father's brother), who died in the age of 2. By drowning to a water tub, which wasn't full, just a bit of water. My granny have been telling her pain - when she found the lifeless body from there. And the fact, that this kid is always the first thought in her mind in the mornings, and a last before sleeping. I have seen a pictures of white baby in a coffin, it was normal to take a pictures from dead's on those times. And its also a fact, that there wasn't any picture of this little beautiful fella otherwise.

I don't know is it a normal to talk about bygone's in other families, but I think, these people, who I haven't even met, are part of me. Part of my family. And sometimes I miss my uncle yelling me (me, a kid age of 5) that dont cry there. Come here or go to see granny to upstairs. I was scared being alone in my aunties room, but it was warming and helping, when I knew that he was listening. Though he was already so sick that he couldnt move much. My granny was super, she take care of both - my granpa, who died in 70's, and then uncle.

Why I wrote today about dying? I don't know. I was listening Ryan Adam's Jacksonville City NIghts, which is really high emotional album with some country ballads. And then I thought about Winter Solstice, which is the darkest day in the year. But I remembered that I have found a light from my family on those days. I think you should meet them, if you haven't: I count to my closest family all my 5 sisters + boyfriends, mostly, my brother, my parents, my granny (mom's), my auntie, my two uncles, my uncles wife and two lovable kids. So... in total 20 people + me.

Otherwise, School has ended, I have one small thing to do for monday, when we have an last ensemble: singing songs, playing, eating some snacks, drinking xmas drinks. Like in preminaly school ;) I was looking for notes for some xmas song which my friends father has made. But I didn't. Maybe need to write from the head. If you know any traditional xmas song (meaning, words and composition trad.) can you give me hints. It would be nice as well.

Haha, and one more thing. It's nice that I can listen country-music and no-one is not complaining in the next room. Sometimes Kalle even listens Johnny Cash by himself. So greetings to my fabulous Helsinki-flatmates. ;)

pupu tupuna

...mä kaipaan sua, nyt kun oon voinut ajatella, kun pääni on pullollaan serotoniinia ja sinä oot kaukana ja minä oon lomalla vielä kaksi kuukautta ;)

Its a bit like this in here, I feel like in mental hospital(ityclub). I was thinking all the friends who are going to see Damn Seagulls without me. All the pakda's at least. One day I was looking my face from the dark window (which we btw washed with Kalle one day in November, i think) and I saw these black circles around my eyes. Such a pakda here.

I read from the internet (HS, baiji) that the baiji is extinct. What is baiji? It was a white dolphin which lived in Jangtse river, China. Reasons why it is extinct now is a growing of the power of human in those areas, new pollutions, new changes in enviroment. They didn't let the animal live there anymore. So right now, in the world, there is only 4 living species of sweet water dolphins. I hope humanbeings learnt from this case, Queen of the Jangtse is dead.

Last weekend was full of fun. I was talking stupid stuff with Viivi. Also Keijo, Kliment, Tomi and Vera were here. The best thing was that we rented a car and travelled a bit around. Went to hauska Bauska and Rundaale and Jelgava. I have been in Rundaale but not before in Jelgava/Bauska. I remembered what is the point with car. Freedom on travelling. Countryside. I WANT to drive somewhere when I am back in Finland. Maybe to Joensuu to meet Viivi and Keijo?

Its only 5 days to go, back to Finland again. I am missing all the things. Sauna, my dog Albert (who is old and sick :(, people, to see face of kids; Emma and Ella. To talk with auntie, to call little brother as an idiot, eating lots of chocolate (yep, surely too much). Xmas present book and new wolly socks.

What else you can wait for? Maybe a party in Helsinki. And meeting people in there. More about it later.

I'm the Passenger!

Today - a day of Iggy Pop and the Stoogees concert, which I am waiting quite a much. And I heard a new Damn Seagulls song: Human torch from Myspace, and it kicks ass. A "BIT" 80's but you can remember early MTV (Music TV) when it still was music tv.

Otherwise these are the weeks of ieskaites, kind of tests, for how we've learned in last half a year. Today was one. It was quite enjoyable, we had a discussion about folklore and traditional music. And my sight for those is totally different than Latvian view. Or at least they say, that Latvians don't know traditional songs, only some experts like my collagues. This seems to be something strange comparing to all the things I've learned about traditional music. So Latvian traditional (folk) music is performed and keep on going by experts, not folk.

Tomorrow we have flute "stabule" lesson, and exam. This means, we need to play 2 songs, other one should be fast and other slow. Nice, I think I will be playing something finnish as well, just to make the people realize, that even simply tunes are basicly full with cultural knowledge: I mean, for me, its easier to play tunes which implies chords which are regular to Finnish music, not Latvian, which is simply a different major/minor. We were practising polyphony in the ensemble yesterday and for me its difficult to sing with solfeges (do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do) because I've never learnt them. And think, that for the real singing it doesn't make anything... Only "help" which I've gained from music theory for my music hobbies, is a Circle of Fifths (kvinttiympyrä).

Heheh. I deleded a message from Ryanair. Kaisa called behalf of me to the Ryanair - Finland, Tampere Airport and asked is there a problem. They said no, so I will forget that also. All is fine here. How about there?