suicide blog

I have been studying suiciding in this month. Been reading books (4 of them, inc. Martin Page and Nick Hornby). I have been listening for music (Suicide is painless, made by Manic Street Preachers, Marilyn Manson and Lehtivihreät, ok, they made it as Mitään muuta ei oo).. I've seen movies: Philosopher Escaped (about thinking = living, otherwise you've killed yourself), Wristcutters: a love story (OHH GOD!), Dead Man (dead?! man?! social suicide?!) and end of this all Koti-ikävä (Homesick).

After all this I have to admit, Finns(OHH, yes, we) know better how to make people feel sick. I was almost puking after Homesick-movie, allthough my co-worker Emilia K. were acting nicely in there. Havent seen Virgin Suicides yet, but it's waiting on my computer.

Why do I do all this? All though, there is no reason, I do not want to really kill myself, I am just interested about it as a phenomena. When I was on my teenages years, some of the people on my hometown (quite many of them) killed theirselves. It has been quite a trend on those years, right after great depression in Finland in beginning of 90´s. Tired of life? Tired to live?

I have been doing stupid things. I have lost contact to all the people. I feel, I live only inside my head. Is there any way out?